Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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