I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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