sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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