Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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