can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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