DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
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Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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