for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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