I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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