One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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