We won't sleep together?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize