I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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