Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize