I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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