Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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