dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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