I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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