apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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