running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize