I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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