i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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