I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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