I am spending my child support on dildos
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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