Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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