Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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