took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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