My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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