we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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