Did you just see the Batmobile???
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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