why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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