I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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