I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize