apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize