he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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