I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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