So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
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You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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