went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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