Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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