Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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