Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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