we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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