May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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