a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize