just come out here and I will go home with you...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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