I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
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the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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