either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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