Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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