I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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