I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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