hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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