remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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